


Iron Man Super Bang

by salable_mystic



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Merchandise, Established Relationship, Fluff, Ice Cream, M/M, Popsicles, Silly, Tony Stark Has A Heart, slight nonsense, steve rogers has a heart, this is silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 21:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13490424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salable_mystic/pseuds/salable_mystic
Summary: Avengers' themed ice cream ... what can possibly go wrong?





	Iron Man Super Bang

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the "popsicle" square on my bingo card.

-

 

“I just don’t know if this is a good idea, Tony,” Pepper said with a sigh. She was looking at him with that fond/exasperated expression she had perfected so long ago, which meant that she was, while not convinced, still willing to humor him. For now. Which, good enough.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, Pepper, this is a great idea. Like all my ideas. Great! Delicious! The best!”

She was still studying him, her gaze turning more and more skeptical at his ebullience.

“Come on Pep. Pepper Pepper Pepper Pep. We’ve been talking about wanting to branch out further on the Avengers' themed merchandise for a while now, and this is … nice. A good idea. Inoffensive. Tasty. Kids will love it, adults won’t mind it, it’s not going to blow up in anyone’s face, we won’t be sued over it for, well, anything, the deal seems fair, it's a good company with a solid market share and high approval ratings, it’ll get us some attention in the European market, which we have been kind of neglecting, … .”

Pepper turned her scowl down at the paperwork in her hands, eyes perusing the closely printed sheets again carefully. Finally, she sighed.  “It does seem fair, but, I don’t know … it’s a lot of sugar and empty calories and don’t you want to promote some healthier choices instead … .”

“Aww, come on, Pep. It’s not that bad. They’re going to be using organic fruit juices and locally sourced dairy products as ingredients, and I insisted on them not using any high-fructose corn syrup, not that they’re big on that in Denmark anyway, …”.

Pepper's expression softened, and she looked up from the contract. “A Danish ice cream company wants to produce Avengers themed ice cream for the European market? I’m still not convinced, but I must admit, the deal does seem fair and they do have a solid reputation … .” She put the paperwork down, and sighed. “I'm not saying don't go for it, but ... I still think you are doing this just so you can mess with Steve, though.”

Tony gave her his best wide eyes look. “I have no idea what you are talking about, Pep! I would never …”.

She shook her head, amused and resigned. “Right, right. Just don’t come crying to me when your boyfriend frowns at you in all-American disappointment.”

“Pep!”

She was right, though, Tony was totally doing it to mess with Steve. Well, 50% doing it to mess with Steve. He also happened to think that having Avengers’ themed ice cream would be really cool. And delicious. As would be messing with his boyfriend. Just the thought of provocatively licking a Captain America themed popsicle somewhere in public (he’d take Steve to Europe, just so he could do that, he totally would) ... or maybe in private. Or feeding Steve an Iron Man themed popsicle. Or ... . The possibilities were delicious. And endless. Endlessly delicious. Endlessly, deliciously, intriguing. Hmm.

Tony signed the contract with a flourish.

He couldn’t wait to for the samples to be delivered for his/the Avengers’ approval, to see what the ice cream company came up with.

 

 
    
    
             _.-.
           ,'/ //\
          /// // /)
         /// // //|
        /// // ///
       /// // ///
      (`: // ///
       `;`: ///
       / /:`:/
      / /  `'
     / /
    (_/ 

 

 

So, okay, maybe not taking stricter creative control over the ice cream design had been a mistake, Tony thought a month later, when a large box of frozen sample popsicles had been delivered to the Avengers' Tower.

Not that he knew much about ice cream – except that he liked eating most of it – but some of these flavor choices seemed a bit – out there? Some quick research showed that they apparently played really well on the Danish and most of the European markets, though, so ... .

But it wasn’t only the flavors… some of these names and designs … yes, well, “surprise me”, as a guideline for the ice cream company, in retrospect - hadn’t been his best idea.

And he had told all the other Avengers that the ice cream would be arriving this week, so he couldn’t just quietly throw it out and ask the company for new, better, more appropriate ideas. Ideas that the company would have to come up with under his much closer supervision.

Tony did have final approval, and these were only the first sample ideas, so it wasn’t as if these were going to go on sale anywhere, but still … Tony winced a little, staring down into the freezer filled with ice cream. Rather than having a communal taste testing, maybe he should catch Steve beforehand and broach the subject with him … gently. Or as gently as he could. Lord knows, his people skills kind of sucked. But even he could admit that, while utterly hilarious, the Captain America themed ice cream was … definitely inappropriate.

 

 
    
    
             _.-.
           ,'/ //\
          /// // /)
         /// // //|
        /// // ///
       /// // ///
      (`: // ///
       `;`: ///
       / /:`:/
      / /  `'
     / /
    (_/ 

 

 

“Hey Steve, do you have a minute?” Tony asked a short while later, leaning in the open doorway of Steve’s art studio, a small styrofoam cooler box filled with Avengers' ice cream popsicles in hand.

Steve looked up from where he was browsing through an art book, seated comfortably on the couch, long legs stretched in front of him, a picture of ease and relaxation.

Tony’s mouth went a little dry at the picture Steve made, bathed by the afternoon sun shining in through the floor to ceiling windows, and at the smile Steve gave Tony when he saw him.

“Tony, hi! Sure, come on in! What’s up?”

Tony quickly walked over to the couch, leaned over the back to kiss Steve in greeting, then walked around it and sat down next to Steve, putting the styrofoam box on the low table in front of him. He sighed, and looked at Steve.

“The samples from the Danish company have arrived.”

“The Danish company …” Steve frowned, and then his face cleared and he smiled, “ah, the Avengers' themed ice cream! Is that it?”

He gestured at the box, and looked at Tony, excited.

“Yeah.”

Steve frowned at Tony's decided lack of enthusiasm. This was - unexpected. Usually Tony was like a child at Christmas when it came to new Avengers' merchandise.

“Tony? Is everything okay?”

Tony shrugged. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. It’s just … .” He looked down, avoiding Steve’s eyes.

Steve leaned over and touched his knee, concerned. “Hey, hey. Tony. What is it?”

Tony leaned into Steve, letting the taller man pull him into his side, so that he was leaning against him, their legs tangling together in front of the couch, below the coffee table.

He took a deep breath, then sighed and admitted, “It’s the ice cream.”

“The ice cream?”

Steve studied his face from the side, confused.

Tony took another deep breath.

“Yes. You know me, right, so you know I’m …” Tony gestured vaguely, to encompass himself and New York and the Tower and just life in general “… not always the best at … you know …” he ran out of words.

Steve kissed the side of his head and Tony could hear the affectionate smile in his voice, even if he could not see it, “ … emotions? ... people?”

Tony snorted. “Yeah, yeah, those too … but, no, what I meant was … tact. Discretion.”

“Tact.”

“Yes, yes, tact.” Tony hurried on. “So, you know, this ice cream … I had great plans for this ice cream. Or – hopes maybe. Hopeful plans. Depending on what the samples were like, of course. I had hopes that they would be, for one … delicious. And that … you know … maybe one could also, kind of, possibly, use them in slightly inappropriate ways? Only in the right circumstances, of course, and only with a very specific person.”

Steve chuckled. “Well, so far, none of this comes as a terrible surprise to me.”

Tony looked at him sideways, torn between smirking and looking indignant, and thus failing at either.

“It doesn’t?”

At that, Steve had to laugh, not letting go of Tony. “Tony, you have, only in the last month or so, successfully seduced me by provocatively eating a banana, a regular popsicle, and … cherry pie. So, yes, I did expect that you probably had plans for our respective versions of Avengers’ themed ice cream. Delicious … indecent … private … plans.” Steve whispered the last words into Tony’s ear, making the smaller man shiver.

“Wait – cherry pie?” Tony asked, and then smirked. “Oh, yeah … that was a nice afternoon. Wasn’t intentional, though.”

Steve looked skeptical.

“No, really, it wasn’t. It wasn’t. I just ... hmm ... really liked the whipped cream that came with it.”

He leaned up and kissed Steve, which Steve returned carefully and gladly. Tony was more at ease now, but something was still wrong.

“So. Ice cream.” Steve stated, once they’d ended their kiss and Tony was snuggled back into his side, bringing Tony's attention back to the matter at hand.

Tony sighed again, “So, well ... yes, you’re right. I did have plans. Great, explicit, detailed plans. But … I never imagined…” he gestured at the box “…this.”

Tony frowned at the styrofoam container, looking … offended?

“Oh?” Steve asked, and reached for the box, curious.

Tony quickly placed a hand on his, stopping him.

“No, don’t, just … I … before you look, you need to know that I … I didn’t ask them to do this. I would never … I know I laugh and make inappropriate jokes and I don’t always … but, Steve, believe me, I would not do something like ... this.”

Now Steve was really concerned. How could Tony be so nervous about ice cream? It was just ice cream, after all.

“Okay.”

“So, the contract with the company, all it says is that they will deliver samples in flavors and with shapes and names that they think will play well on the European market, and that are, in some way, shape, name, or form, inspired by the members of the Avengers.”

“Okay,” Steve replied again, still not understanding Tony’s unease, still concerned.

They sat in silence and stillness for a moment, Steve waiting for Tony to continue, content to let the other man gather his thoughts.

Finally, Tony moved, and reached for the box.

“So, okay … let me ... .”

He pulled the box onto his knees and shifted on the couch, so that he was now sitting sideways on it, facing Steve. Steve quickly turned towards him, in turn, concern at Tony’s behavior still coursing through him.

Tony grimaced.

“Well, turns out the company is a little more … irreverent ... in its choices … than I expected. So I’ll just … here … let me show you what they came up with.”

Steve nodded and reached out to squeeze Tony’s knee where it rested half on the couch, half in Steve’s lap.

Tony pulled the first ice cream package from the box. The wrapping paper was bright green, and the words ‘Hulk Smasher!’ were easily legible on it. “So this is … uh, the 'Hulk Smasher!’ … apple and lime flavors with … crackly bits? I’m not entirely sure what that means, haven’t tried any of them yet.”

He put the popsicle back in the styrofoam container and held up two more ice cream satchels: “The ‘Blackest Widow’, vanilla with salted licorice swirls, a licorice center and licorice coating … yeah, I don’t know about that combination, but apparently licorice ice cream is a thing in Denmark? Next up: ‘Hawkalicious!’, vanilla and blueberry with a chocolate glaze. Sounds delicious, I admit. And, uh," Tony put the two satchels back and pulled a cone out of the box “the ‘I Bring the Thunder’, a waffle cone filled with strawberry and vanilla ice cream and a pop rock coating … yeah, I don’t know about that one. Pop rocks for the lighting, I guess … and the rest for … Thor’s admittedly unsubtle love of pop tarts?”

Tony replaced the cone pulled out yet another package. “And here we have the ‘Iron Man Super Bang!’ – orange and raspberry, shaped like a little iron man armor, so ... no surprise how they came up with that one.”

So far, while the flavor choices and names seemed a little strange and over the top, Steve saw nothing that could have prompted Tony’s reaction to the samples.

Tony stalled, and looked up at Steve, eyes wide and – somewhat ... apologetic?

Steve asked gently, “Tony?”

Tony swallowed, and reached into the box again. “And finally, the, uh …” he pulled the last remaining package out, “Steve, I’m sorry, I really am … but, well, the ‘Capsicle!’.”

Steve’s initial reaction was to frown at the inappropriate joke – had this all been a lead up just so that Tony could tease him? – but no, Tony wasn’t joking, Tony looked apprehensive.

Steve reached out and gently took the ice cream popsicle from Tony’s hand. He studied it. He couldn’t tell much about the popsicle itself, given that it was still wrapped up, but the wrapping paper was white, with red stripes and blue stars, and, sure enough, it said ‘Capsicle!’ on it in large blue letters.

He frowned at it, and then looked up at Tony. “Have you opened one?”

Tony shook his head, “No. I’ve … I’ve only read the description they sent along with the samples. And after that … well … I knew I had to come and tell you, before having a look inside.”

Tony looked … miserable? Definitely not a joke, then.

Steve’s frown deepened. While he did not appreciate the name the ice cream currently had, it didn’t seem any more offensive than the ‘Hulk Smasher!’, the ‘Blackest Widow’ or ‘Hawkalicious!’ – okay, a little more inappropriate maybe – but still, Tony hadn’t gone to see Bruce or Clint or Natasha or Thor about their ice creams. He’d come to Steve. And he still looked apprehensive, as if there were more to it than the admittedly unfortunate name.

“I don’t …”

“Open it,” Tony sighed, and gestured vaguely at the package in Steve's hand.

Steve did – it was a pale, translucent white, and it had … he held it up to his face for closer study … some kind of … vaguely blob shaped center enclosed in it?

Tony sighed again, and quoted the description the company had sent him along with the samples, “'Lemonade ice cream with a cherry and grape gummy bear' – well, gummy person – in the center.”

Steve stared at the ice cream, stared at Tony, then stared back at the ice cream. And finally – he laughed. He couldn’t help it. He had to laugh.

Tony looked at him, startled.

Steve kept laughing, trying not to drop the popsicle that he was still holding by its rather fragile wooden handle.

“Oh my god, Tony,” laughter still burbled out of him, “Tony, it’s a … it's a ... it’s supposed to be a … .”

Tony looked at him, expression slowly morphing into a delighted smirk.

“… an iceberg with a frozen Captain America inside, yes.”

"Oh my god, Tony, that's ..." Steve wiped tears of laughter from his eyes with the hand not currently holding the Captain America popsicle, "... that's just ... wrong. Hilarious. Horrible. Hilariously horrible."

Steve kept chuckling, helpless in the face of this ice cream monstrosity.

Tony was frowning at him again. “You’re taking this surprisingly well. I must admit, that was not the reaction I was expecting.”

Steve leaned towards him, carefully, still amused, and so fond of this amazing person seated in front of him.

“Oh, Tony.”

Kissing someone ardently while also holding a – slowly melting – popsicle was hard, but Steve managed it.

Tony smiled up at him, after they separated, and Steve used his free hand to reach for and squeeze Tony’s.

“Thank you, Tony.”

Tony frowned.

“Thank you for your concern. About this. About my reaction. For …” Steve shrugged, “… you looked so uneasy when you came in here, I was expecting, well … . Yes, this is highly inappropriate and no, I definitely do _not_ want this ice cream popsicle to go on the market in its current shape or form, but … just, thank you. For caring. About me.”

Tony looked down, and blushed.

“Yeah, well… of course I care”. He shrugged.

Steve squeezed Tony’s hand again and they sat like that, for a little while, holding hands.

And then melting lemonade ice cream from the … well, the ‘Capsicle!’ … dripped onto Steve’s hand.

Steve shoved the ice cream in Tony's direction.

“Well, go on then. Here. Give me the ‘Iron Man Super Bang!’ from that box and take this ‘Capsicle!’ here and show me what you can do to get gummy-person-me all hot and bothered and unfrozen.”

Tony smirked, leaned forward, gave Steve a gentle kiss, and then took the ‘Capsicle!’ in one hand and reached for Steve’s now free and ‘Capsicle!’-sticky hand with the other, lifting it to his face and licking the sticky residue off of Steve’s fingers in the most obscene way possible, tongue and teeth and delicious sexy smile and doe eyes and all.

Steve gulped.

“Oh, honey, trust me, I will.”

 

 
    
    
             _.-.
           ,'/ //\
          /// // /)
         /// // //|
        /// // ///
       /// // ///
      (`: // ///
       `;`: ///
       / /:`:/
      / /  `'
     / /
    (_/ 

 

 

None of the other Avengers got to try out their themed ice cream popsicles that night, and Steve’s couch acquired a rather large, sticky, and unfortunate stain, when half of ‘I Bring the Thunder’ got squished into it. The other half had tasted utterly delicious while being licked off of various body parts, though, so it was more than worth it.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> 'Gummy astronaut in lemonade ice cream' is totally a thing in Denmark:  
> http://www.premier-is.dk/sortiment/iskort/astronaut/


End file.
